Father's House Blog

Having just returned from South Africa last week, I made a quick turn around and flew with my wife Alie to Oslo for a weekend of ministry to leaders from the Oase movement (Norway’s version of New Wine). I spoke on Thursday evening and Saturday morning last weekend and did two press interviews on fatherhood and fatherlessness as well. It was a very significant visit.

On Sunday Alie and I had a day off before coming back home so we headed out of Oslo to a farm owned by some very dear friends of ours. It was Mother’s Day so we had a very special meal – Elk with all the trimmings! In the afternoon, Alie practiced skiing and I talked politics with my old friend on a walk in the very deep snow.

And the conversation was revealing. The friend I was speaking to is the leader of one of the political parties in Norway and was formerly on the cabinet of a previous coalition government. Our discussions revolved around families and fatherhood. I have been aware for some time that Norway (and indeed other Nordic nations) is way ahead of the UK on issues of family and fatherhood. The family is much more highly regarded in Norway. Norway is not a perfect society by any means, but it is much more enlightened than the UK with regard to children’s needs and rights.

One of the interesting things about Norway is the ethic of equality that is embraced there. Ever since earliest times, men and women have been regarded as equals. They worked the farms together in the Viking era and have stood side by side ever since. The general right to vote was secured in 1913 in Norway – very early in Europe. The first female prime minister in the 1980s had a cabinet where 50% of the members were women. Legislation in Norway has meant that it is now illegal to run a corporation on the Norwegian stock exchange without at least 40 per cent of the board being women.

What happens in a society where men and women look after and value each other like this? One result is that men are not devalued and marginalized (as has happened in the understandable feminist backlash in the UK). As a result, fathers and mothers are regarded as equally important in Norwegian culture. Fathers are not seen as disposable extras as they so often are in the UK media and academia.

One of the signs of this is Norway’s attitude to paternity leave. Fathers and mothers in Norway can take a year off work after the birth of their children. The mother and father are encouraged to work out how they divide this between them but it is mandatory for the father to take at least six weeks paid leave (this is being extended to a minimum of ten weeks soon). Many fathers thought they would find this challenging but in reality the thousands of dads who are off work and at home right now are reporting that they love it. Norway has a tradition of hands-off fathering. In other words, there is something of a generational legacy of dads not being involved in the earliest years of their children’s lives. The paternity leave quota is now changing all that and fathers are becoming the caretakers alongside mothers. Although of course there are some fathers who choose to abdicate their responsibilities, there are many who have chosen to learn what it really means to be a father. And they are grateful. Some fathers are even taking the further option to take two years off after their mandatory paternity leave. During this time they are paid by the government to stay at home and look after their child!   

Another area where Norway is far more enlightened than the UK is child custody. Though there are battles here, the situation is far fairer than in the UK, where the system is stacked very heavily in favour of mothers. In Norway both parents are given equal rights. The interests of the child are paramount. And because Norway recognizes that a child has a basic human right to be loved by a father, the parents have an equal amount of time with their child each month (two weeks each). Both parents try to live close to each other so their child can continue to go to the same school, ensuring the maintenance of stability in their child’s life. What is best for the child is the chief consideration and so a father’s rights are regarded as equal in importance to a mother’s.

I have to say that I was both challenged and encouraged by all this. I was encouraged because it was really good to know that there is at least one country in Europe where men and women are regarded as equals and where fatherhood and motherhood are seen as the same value to a child. I was challenged because I was left wondering how the UK will ever get out of the present mess it’s in over the devaluing and demise of fatherhood. We don’t have the same cultural and historical factors that Norway has. How are we ever going to get to a situation in British culture where dads and mums are given equal value and equal rights?  

One answer has to do with government. My political friend in Norway made it very clear from our discussion about paternity leave that legislation and finance can make a massive difference to a society’s attitude towards family and fatherhood. They can literally change peoples’ values and behavior in a very short space of time. The question remains for us in the UK, which government will see the light first? Will the current government begin to see what our northern European friends see? Or will it be left to the next government to start putting fatherhood on the map again? That for me is one of the really big issues of our times. Norway truly has a lot to teach us.